Always Left Behind
by enakoritsi
Summary: Wherever Axel's heart was, whatever Heartless had it or dark abyss it had been sucked into, Roxas had his own special place inside of it that would be his forever. Axel just wasn't so sure if Roxas had put aside such a place for him...


_Author's Note_: I've never written anything just about another character before, but I started thinking about this this morning, and I've been wanting to give this type of story a try for some time. I've always enjoyed reading them and well, here's my shot. It's sort of Axel's thoughts during the scene of his death, but it is in third person pov. I wanted to write more, but it just didn't seem to fit so it might come out seperately at a later date. Please review this if you'd like, since I'd really appreciate it.

_Disclaimer_: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters.

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.:. _Always Left Behind_ .:.

So this was it then. _This_ was the end, the way he was going to go. Axel lay motionless on the ground, staring upwards as his own essence began disintegrating around him. His arms were spread wide, away from his body, while his fingers curled upwards in a frozen grasp.

A small smirk twitched on his paling lips as the keyblade master rushed to his side, dropping to his knees at the sight of the redhead's disappearing form. Sora looked so frightened now, so distressed, and the smirk faded from Axel's lips as he wondered if Roxas might finally be getting through. His green eyes, usually glinting maliciously or even at times playfully, slowly began to dull as they moved to the right and latched onto Sora's face. He looked so much like Roxas, or maybe it was that Roxas looked so much like him.

_"You're…fading away."_

Sora's whispered words echoed through the void the two were in, and Axel could almost find the situation amusing in an ironic way. Roxas had disserted him first, left him behind, and now Axel was leaving him behind. Well, at least his somebody anyway. However, the situation lost its humor as he realized Sora, or even Roxas, would not view his death in the same light and intensity he himself had placed Roxas' betrayal.

_"Well, that's what happens when you put your whole being into an attack. Not that Nobodies actually have beings…right?"_

Sora's blue eyes darkened at Axel's words, but that didn't matter much to him. It was the truth after all; he knew it, Sora knew it, even the Organization knew it. They were just a lost group of empty souls, trying to hard to belong in a world that wasn't theirs to belong to. Sora was just doing the job that everyone else was to scared to do, ridding those intruders and returning them to the darkness that had spawned them.

_"Anyway, I digress. Go, find Kairi. Oh, almost forgot…Sorry for what I did to her."_

Axel thought back to the pink-clad girl who had such a connection with this boy hero, a bond he had tried to exploit to no avail. But could anyone blame him, honestly? Roxas had been all he had, and if there was any chance to bring him back then he would've taken it, no matter how dark the road. So kidnapping Kairi hadn't seemed like such a horrible thing when it was serving the greater good, what Axel wanted. It seemed so selfish now, but it hadn't at the time.

_"When we find her, you can tell her that yourself."_

Axel wanted to laugh, but he kept it in for Sora's sake, instead averting his eyes and chuckling inwardly. When we find her…oh Sora was just being stupid now. A few minutes ago, he would gladly have sent the Nobody to whatever lay beyond death, but now he was acting as if he cared after all. Roxas was getting to him, if nothing else or he was just feeling the guilt that had to come with someone giving themselves up for another's sake. Of course Axel hadn't done it for him; he'd done it for Roxas.

_"Think I'll pass. My heart just wouldn't be in it, you know? Haven't got one."_

This time Axel let himself laugh a dry chuckle coated with bitterness. Sora just continued to look down at the firey-haired man with sorrow while Axel enjoyed the amusement he found in his own lacking. He shifted his eyes to the side before meeting Sora' s gaze again, wondering why the boy couldn't see the humor in his own demise.

Here he was, a Nobody. Not only that, he was one of the most cunning, scheming ones out there. Axel had the sharpest mind in the Organization by far, defeating their own infamous Cloaked Schemer with ease. He was a strong fighter, able to take on most of the other members with little effort, and everything had been going his way since Castle Oblivion, where he had first met the young keyblade master. He had been expecting himself to go farther then the rest and probably be the last one standing after all was done. In fact, he had done away with two of his so called comrades and caused the death of several others.

Yet, _here he was_. The great Flurry of the Dancing Flames brought down by a few dusks, and all for the sake of one boy; one boy who was still no more than a child and had been destroying everything that had mattered to him. The very same boy his best friend had left him for, the reason Axel had been left behind while Roxas moved forward. It seemed he was always going to be left behind.

_"Axel, what were you trying to do?"_

So he really didn't know? Sora had no inkling of Axel's motives at all? What had he thought then, when he met the Nobody for the first time, or what he believed to be the first time? Had he viewed him as just another one of an organization of monsters who were out simply to harm him and his friends? Sora was very, very wrong, and Axel had distanced and cut the bonds between himself and the Organization quite a while ago.

"I_ wanted to see Roxas. He…was the only one I liked… He made me feel…like I had a heart."_

Sora looked shocked while Axel scrutinized him from the ground with squinted eyes. Axel supposed it was a reasonable reaction; Nobodies weren't supposed to feel anything. Maybe he didn't really, and it was all up in head. It was questionable that he was completely sane anyway. Or maybe it was just the mention of the boy's own Nobody that inspired such a dramatic reaction. The other members had been taunting Sora with the name for days, leading him around in circles until he was confused and angry. Roxas...Sora's Nobody...

But Roxas had always been different. Not in a noticeable way, but in a sense that when you looked at him or talked to him, you just knew. He had always been meant for greater, better things, people that could actually feel and places that weren't swallowed by the darkness and hatred of others. Axel had always belonged to the darkness, but that hadn't stopped him from holding onto Roxas as a way to escape it.

When he was around Roxas, Axel actually felt alive. The Organization had been like a bunch of useless, unlit candles where Roxas had been the only one with a flame shining brightly. He was the Light, drawing all the good things in and forcing away the bad. And so he had drawn in Axel, only to realize he wasn't good and had to be pushed away.

Yet, Roxas hadn't been all pure light either, and he too was selfish deep down inside. Both he and Axel were both exceedingly selfish people. A complete and perfect angel would never desert the one they called best friend, even if it was a friendship that neither could feel. The absence of a key ingredient had never mattered much, but it seemed exponential now.

For a second, Axel felt like a fool, dying and being a martyr for something that he could never feel or know… a connection that might not have even existed. But what was left for him here now? He couldn't return to the Organization, not after what he had done or the way his morals had changed. He could never have tailed along with Sora either. He would have been nothing more then a constant thorn in the keyblade masters side, a hovering dark shadow that made clear skies cloudy and sunny days rain. Yes, it was best for him to just go.

_"You make me feel…the same…"_

Axel narrowed his eyes as indescribable pain began wracking his body terribly. The last confession was taking all the strength he had left, and the darkness wanted to claim him hungrily. It was all he had to hang on for a few more seconds, his last seconds.

'You make me feel the same'…Axel pondered in those short moments whether those words were really quite true. No one could ever make him feel the way Roxas did, not even his somebody. They were two different people, something Roxas hadn't wanted to accept once he heard the chance to be whole was in his reach.

Whether his words were true or not, it seemed like the least he could do to give the distraught keyblade master something to hold on to. Maybe the Roxas inside of him would cherish it, but it wasn't likely as far as Axel knew. Wherever Axel's heart was, whatever Heartless had it or dark abyss it had been sucked into, Roxas had his own special place inside of it that would be his forever. Axel just wasn't so sure if Roxas had put aside such a place for him.

_"Kairi's in the castle dungeon. Now go."_

Axel raised one of his trembling, gloved hands and stretched out the fingers to form a portal through with Sora could pass. With that, his arm fell limp to his side, and his eyes finally glazed over while the eyelids covered them somberly.

He could feel whatever was left of him fall apart quickly, and then his body and soul belonged to the darkness that had spit him out. Axel couldn't feel anymore; it was like he was numb all over. His mind started getting fuzzy, and his thoughts came in more sluggishly. He had only a split second left before he would be nothing at all, so he took that tiny piece of time to muse one last time.

Everyone was supposed to have something that they did, something unique or even commonplace that would identify them and who they were.

Sora saved. He went through the worlds with his heroic stride, defeating all enemies in his way without a second thought. He had friends at his side, people who loved him, and the light in his heart would always carry him through any difficulties.

Xemnas, who had been Axel's superior, commanded. He ordered the members of the Organization around ruthlessly and without allowing anyone to defy him. Xemnas kept his subordinates in an iron grip, and it was hard to ever escape him with your life, as Axel now realized.

Demyx fled. Axel had never been particularly close with the water-based Nobody, but even he had something that he always, always did. He ran from fights he knew that he could not win, stumbled away from opponents he thought would defeat him if he strayed across their path. Demyx was always running away.

Saix taunted. The Organization member Axel despised most lived to torture those he viewed with distain. He enjoyed butchering their minds and destroying any hope his victims might have clung to. He was a cold, cruel Nobody and maybe perhaps the most Heartless of them all.

Roxas lived. He truly, truly lived. He had gone through his existence only to truly be alive again. And he had succeeded.

So everyone had something that was theirs, something that they always did. But what of Axel? What constantly happened to him?

Axel was always left behind.


End file.
